How do you eat yours? Popular catchphrase for a popular product that is normally associated with Easter. But in recent years I’ve had stop and look a little closer at the actual tones of the advert in question…and why oh why are they suicidal? These little eggs, so rich in flavours, chocolate and sugar laid goodness are so unhappy that the only enjoyment they have is their “season” of self-mutilation…

A recent study by the lovely folks that some of you may or may not be familiar with – the British home office – has suggested that children are being progressively and aggressively sexualised from a young age. Images of impossibly thin women, breasts here and there, in adverts like the one I mentioned; sexual undertones (the eggs seemingly expressing an almost sexual sigh of relief upon their demise, the bar version shooting its “goo”…) and in some adverts the blatant suggestion that this product will enhance your chances of intercourse (a northern tea company that advertises during loose women).

It’s true it’s true – sex sells and the whole world are buying. Including you right now by reading this article. Sub-consciously, you’ve committed to reading further just from the sheer mention of the word. It’s okay, don’t feel guilty, its human nature. We as animals are pre-destined to procreate on a regular basis like Katie Price. Some more than others…like Katie Price. and we also wove into the fabric of humanity that we are supposed to be monogamous which most of us adhere too and of course some quite publicly revel in not doing so and seek to reproduce with every partner if possible. Like Katie Price. We as humans even realised the potential of making money from having sex on celluloid and/or putting it on the internet. Like Katie Price.

SEX.This is not the start of the article, but your eye was drawn here automatically. Back to the beginning pervert! In this report the home office also cited videogames as projecting sexual imagery to young children. Now this is what got my back up the most. As an avid gamer, this was a slap in the face and seemingly beating a dead horse. Videogames are escapism. Videogames are designed to take you to a world other than the one you’re in or in some cases, a different part of the one you’re in. If the BBFC give a classification of 18 guess what that means? If you’re below that age, you probably shouldn’t be playing that game. Games depicting violence against other CPU men (and sometimes women) are fine as long as they don’t have intercourse?!  Like Imagine if Master Chief and Solid snake had an onscreen kiss, imagine the uproar then…But homosexuality in videogames is another article for another time.

It’s a personal choice what we as adults choose to allow children to see when in the real world, but as you’re all well aware – the world is changing and we are all but powerless to stop it. The internet breeds screenagers instead of teenagers and it’s up to us as individuals to keep up or become as incompatible to their world as monophony DJ is to an MP3 J.

If Bread is the fabric of our lives, and you like a bit of sauce with it…maybe meat and two veg or a kebab…even peaches and cream or just plain butter, it doesn’t matter. As long as you’re happy with your topping – just don’t leave your butter uncovered.